Writing – Anxiety and Depression

Tame Your Mood is a monthly newsletter focused on the noble challenge of overcoming anxiety and depression. Psychotherapy for depression and anxiety requires many approaches, among which is the critical need to develop your understanding of what these wild moods actually are, how they work and function, and how we can get ensnared. These writings are here to help you build an understanding that supports the uprooting of the wild moods.

Below, you will find about 10 years of writings to help you understand the wild moods more deeply, practices to experiment with, and hopefully inspiration that anxiety and depression are not permanent, and there is actually a way out of them.

 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

April 2025 – Internal Family Systems: The Child Part

This month is the second to last installment in the recent series of articles on IFS; next month will be the roundup and the direct relating of it all to depression. Specifically, I’m rounding out the Parts with a discussion of the Child (distinct from the infant/toddler), which more than others is the Part who plays. It’s also a part that is commonly shut down, either during its time as a child because the environment could not tolerate its aliveness, or during adolescence or early young adulthood, when the Child is seen as an obstruction to the serious business at hand. I hope you find it helpful in further locating who’s who in your own psyche.

(If you need an IFS refresher, the previous articles are here: the core parts: Protectors, Exiles, Self, and the developmental parts: the Infant/Divine Child, the Teen, the Young Adult, and the Adult. And for the deep dive into IFS: No Bad Parts (the lay introduction) and Internal Family Systems Therapy (the clinical manual).)

I hope your spring is starting out well, and the childlike exuberance of new growth is finding its way into your life.

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in Inner Child / Internal Family Systems / Parts
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

March 2025 – Internal Family Systems: The Teenage Part

Continuing on with the series on the Parts of the psyche seen through the lens of Internal Family Systems Theory, here is the entry on the Teenager. The Teen is routinely misunderstood, if not maligned, by adults and parents, who themselves have not come to terms with who and what the teenager is in themselves. This rejection leads to the teenager’s dynamic self turning chaotic, because it is left with no other option for self-expression. This is not to say that the Teen’s nature, and the teenager stage of development, doesn’t encode an unstable relationship between order and chaos, belonging and autonomy. It does, as Dan Siegel (Brainstorm) makes clear. But whether there is a relatively elegant maturing through this stage, and an integration of the Teen Part in later years, depends a lot on how accepting parents are (externally and internally).

Regarding IFS and depression, there are some of these IFS articles which poke at it, but in a few months I will do a summary of “depressed parts” to bring it all together.

May your Springs be coming with some relief from Winter’s severity, and reminding your various parts about the inevitable relatedness of dark and light.

(If you need an IFS refresher, the previous articles are here: Protectors, Exiles, the Infant/Divine Child, the Young Adult, the Adult, the Self, and World Events. And for the deep dive into IFS’s progenitor, Dick Schwartz: No Bad Parts, and the clinical manual, Internal Family Systems Therapy)

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in Internal Family Systems / Parts / Teenager
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

February 2025 – Internal Family Systems: The Adult Part

Apparently I’ve gotten very inspired by Internal Family Systems Theory, because I’m writing again on it here, in this case on the nature of the “Adult” part. I wrote last month about the Young Adult, distinguishing it from the Adult, but did not detail what I meant by that Part. So read on for that clarification, and as ever, I welcome feedback if you are moved to send it.

(If you need a refresher, the previous articles are here: Protectors, Exiles, the Self, the Young Adult, the Divine Child, and World Events. And for the deep dive: No Bad Parts, and the clinical manual, Internal Family Systems Therapy, both by Richard Schwartz.)

May your February be cozy and not bleak, may you see the subtle shades of grey rather than the lack of color, and may you be finding community, support and courage in these chaotic times.

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in Internal Family Systems / Parts / Subpersonalities / Young Adult
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

January 2025 – Internal Family Systems: The Young Adult Part

This month’s article continues the run of Internal Family System (IFS) reflections (on Protectors, Exiles, the Self, and World Events) this time on the Young Adult part. The YA is the part of the psyche that emerges generally (in the West) about early to mid-20’s, when there is a transition from the more protected environments of family and school into having to build out an adult life. This is not the full Adult, which is marked by a stabilized ability to know and accept the world as it is, and regulate the inner world as one navigates with sufficient skill the external world. It’s a difficult and often un-demarcated phase of development, which leads to a blurring of the Adult and YA, an unhelpful conflation. So, the following piece attempts to clarify what the YA is and isn’t, and I hope it helps in spotting this Part in yourself, such that you can keep bringing forward the full Adult. (If the IFS lens is intriguing, you can check out the popular version of IFS, No Bad Parts, and the clinical manual, Internal Family Systems Therapy, both by Richard Schwartz.)

During this winter, may you be finding warmth in the cold, and light in the dark.

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in Internal Family Systems / Self / Young Adult
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

December 2024 – Internal Family Systems: Seeing the World (and Self) Through an IFS Lens

In this article, I will be continuing on with the run of IFS articles (on Exiles, Protectors, and the Self) to give a sketch of IFS applied to ourselves and macro-level actors at a time of such social and political upheaval. To see current reality clearly, we need multiple lenses, but it would seem that an accurate psychological lens is sorely missing. There is much more to be said and explored about psychology and groups than I can cover here, but hopefully the article can give you a sense of what IFS can offer both to understanding, empathy, and compassionate social relationships. Whatever side of the aisle you sit on, hopefully it’s clear that all of those qualities are desperately needed.

If you are in America, may your Thanksgiving have been filled with genuine gratitude, and otherwise may you be finding strength, resilience, and useful challenges in these interesting times.

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in Depression / Internal Family Systems
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

November 2024 – Internal Family Systems and Depression: The Self

In this month’s article, I continue the depiction of how the Internal Family Systems (IFS) “plural mind” model intersects with the phenomenon of depression (you can find the previous article on Protectors here, and Exiles here), with a focus on the Self, what IFS considers the central organizing principle and force of the psyche. Essentially, the Self can be thought of as the archetype of the ideal parent, but one that can and needs to be installed in the middle of our psyche for all the various parts to calm down and collaborate. Arguably, this installation is both what heals depression, and what psychotherapy itself is ultimately about.

IFS is a very rich model which these last articles are only sketching, so if you get interested and want to go further, you can check out the popular version of IFS, No Bad Parts, and the clinical manual, Internal Family Systems Therapy, both by Richard Schwartz.

May your late Fall be full of the richness of darkness, both in its quietude, and in its opportunities for contemplating losses and change.

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in Depression / Internal Family Systems / Self
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

October 2024 – Internal Family Systems and Depression: The Exiles

In this short run of articles about Internal Family Systems (IFS) and depression, we covered last month (see here) the Protector who deploys depression in the service of exiling unwanted parts of the personality. These parts who are ostracized are known as “Exiles” in IFS, and they will be the focus for this month, what they are and how they are related to depression. (To explore in more detail, see No Bad Parts, by Schwartz.)

As another summer is drawing to a close, may you have the space to reflect on these endless cyclical changes, and if you feel any loss with this transition, may you be able to feel that measure of grief and listen to it respectfully. The more we do that, the less our griefs get stuck.

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in Depression / Exiles / Internal Family Systems
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

September 2024 – Internal Family Systems and Depression: The Protectors

The next few issues will be looking at depression through the lens of Internal Family Systems Theory (IFS), a model of psychotherapy that dates back decades (with its roots going back even further to the early days of Freud and Jung) but is seeing a huge surge in interest amongst psychologists and clinicians. Although depression can be seen through multiple lenses (as you can read here), IFS has probably one of the best lenses on the condition, particularly in its framing depression as related to what IFS calls the Protector. Depression is best seen as a systemic defense, rather than a persecutor, and IFS offers an elegant way of highlighting this vital point.

May your late summers be not too sweltering, and if you’re heading back to school, I hope the transition is easy, or at least a useful challenge.

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in Depression / Grief / Internal Family Systems / Protectors
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

August 2024 – Depression and the Divine Child

I try to give a “pointillistic” view of depression in these newsletters, from the very pragmatic (as with here) to the rather abstract (like here), to give multiple ways to think about this complex experience. Today’s newsletter will be more of the latter, although in a weird sense (as hopefully you’ll see) fundamentally pragmatic. So, this month I’ll be describing what Carl Jung called the archetype of the Divine Child, specifically seen through the lens of a Jungian analyst named Donald Kalsched.

Kalsched writes about what he calls the “self-care system”, which is essentially the way our psyches protect themselves from damage when in contact with a threatening or caustic outside world. We’re all aware of the normal protections, such as defensiveness (“I didn’t do anything wrong!”), but Kalsched unpacks a more primal phenomenon, a defense system at the level of the basic archetypes which is organized around the protection not of the personal “Inner Child,” but of the more fundamental Divine Child.

Take a read and see if or how this idea might apply to your own life. Once you get the concept, it can be a very useful addition to the pragmatics of dealing with depression.

May your summer be progressing with the right mix of comfort and challenge.

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in Archetypes / Depression / Grief / Inner Child
 by Marty L. Cooper, PhD, MFT

July 2024 – Faith in the Age of Overwhelm

Unsurprisingly, I’ve been having many conversations this week about national and global politics, about power vs. powerlessness, and survival. With the attempted assassination of Donald Trump, the assaults on democracy worldwide, and the uncertainties of our future, it is no wonder that these subjects are part of the therapy conversation. Yet, for all the details and myriad particular concerns, the central questions all essentially seem to boil down to: How do we remain active? And how do we stay centered in the storm?

The article below was written around the beginning of Trump’s presidency, as I was working with clients (and myself) around these questions. The same discussion is returning and I’m seeing how my response, and my suggestion about how clients can orient themselves, has remained the same since 2016. In essence this is: practice grief (there are vast losses that the world at large, and we as individuals, are refusing to, or too overwhelmed, to grieve) and faith. But here I mean faith in a specific sense, being the intentional and conscious choice to assume that the world is, in essence, good not bad, given that the existential question of “Is life/these times good or bad?” cannot be answered simply by data. Change-oriented action, in whatever appropriate form, almost naturally follows on locating ourselves in that matrix of grief and faith. But if we do not root ourselves there, our actions with either be spastic and poorly considered, or frozen.

So, may you find some measure of footing in this stormy and uncertain time, and a faith that allows you the space to grieve what is being lost, in order to find and embrace what still remains.

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in Faith / Grief