April – Tool of the Month – Deciding Like an Optometrist
Here is the first of the “Tool of the Month” articles, which I intend to send out mid-month, between longer articles. The inaugural tool is “Decision making like an optometrist,” a formalization of something you probably do anyway, but perhaps without noticing you’re doing it. And for this inaugural TofM, we have an article by myself and also by guest writer, Janice B., to give two takes on the same tool. I hope it’s helpful to you all.
“The Optometrist’s Question” (by Janice B.)
If you’ve ever gone to get a prescription for eyeglasses, then you’ve likely sat in an optometrist’s exam chair, squinting through what looks like the lower part of a periscope and been asked as you focus on a letter chart some feet away: “What’s better A or B?.” You puzzle over that question, trying to decide which choice seems best, (which lens best improves your vision), while the optometrist flips back and forth between the two choices. “Here’s A.” (You squint, stare, ponder.) Now, here’s B.” (Is this clearer, you ask yourself. Or was A better?) For me, the choice never becomes perfectly clear. But I always make the call. To do that, I try to i) pay close attention; ii) not hurry or overthink; and iii) follow my best guess. I never tell the optometrist-“I just can’t decide.”
I’ve found that remembering the feeling of sitting in the optometrist’s chair and answering the optometrist’s question, “What’s better, A or B?” can be a useful tool when I’m wrestling with a depressed mood. How?
When I’m depressed even a trivial decision can lead to a kind of collapse where I feel frozen and unable to move. My depressed mind locks in on the downsides, the risks, the dangers of almost everything. Say I’m trying to decide whether to: A) spend a rainy evening going to a party where I won’t know anyone, and that requires a long bus trip; or B) stay home where it is warm and dry but where without distraction I’m likely to stew in my depressed thoughts.
The possibility of easy certain comfort is simply not one of the choices available to me. Both options seem scary and dangerous. Saying to myself, “Janice, what’s better, A or B” helps me remember that I don’t have the option of a perfect evening. But I have the power to look acutely, think through what’s offered by each option, then make my best guess.
There’s no magic in this image. But I’ve found there’s something helpful and energizing about reducing the cascade of thoughts and fears and memories that pile up in my depressed mind to the simple question: “What’s better A or B?” Answering that question points the way to my next step. And that is, always, how I make it through and beyond a depressed mood-step by step.
Article by Janice B.
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“Decision Making Like an Optometrist (by Marty)
When you go to get your eyes checked, the optometrist uses the huge lens device to compare magnifications, to narrow down to what looks best for you. “A…or B? A…or B?” and then you choose, as best you can, which gives you the better resolution.
The same method can be used with figuring out which option seems best for us, when it is not intuitively clear about which route to take.
If, say, we’re having to make a decision about what to do on an unscheduled morning, we start by roughing up a menu of options. If I live in the middle of the country, probably “go to the ocean” is not on the list, but maybe “Go for a hike near the lake” is. Or perhaps, “Visit Jane for breakfast,” or, “Read more of my book.” Once those options are described, then we start comparing any two of them, using our intuition and body for information. “Does a lake hike feel better than breakfast with Jane?” We ask ourselves, and then, imagining the two, we flip in sequence back and forth between them, paying attention to our visceral response-emotionally, intuitively, physically-to the envisioned option. We’ll generally get some ranking information that will point us-organically rather than, say, judgmentally-about what we’re up for that day. Then we can take that option, and compare it to another. “Ok, seems like breakfast would feel better; seems like I need some people time. But maybe hanging out with a book might be good-er.” Then you run the “A…or B?” again, listening for the response from your heart and body, and then that gives you the good information you need to make a choice that gives you the best “resolution” at hand.
Eventually, you come to a close-enough sense of what you want to do, given the opportunities at hand. This is not so much a technique, though, for logistic but for desire questions. “What do I want to do?” rather than, “Which stock do I invest in?” As with all tools, it only works in certain situations, and only in certain times. But it can be a useful one for one’s tool bag.
