September 2024 – Internal Family Systems and Depression: The Protectors

The next few issues will be looking at depression through the lens of Internal Family Systems Theory (IFS), a model of psychotherapy that dates back decades (with its roots going back even further to the early days of Freud and Jung) but is seeing a huge surge in interest amongst psychologists and clinicians. Although depression can be seen through multiple lenses (as you can read here), IFS has probably one of the best lenses on the condition, particularly in its framing depression as related to what IFS calls the Protector. Depression is best seen as a systemic defense, rather than a persecutor, and IFS offers an elegant way of highlighting this vital point.

May your late summers be not too sweltering, and if you’re heading back to school, I hope the transition is easy, or at least a useful challenge.

A description of depression as Protector from the IFS lens.

Internal Family Systems Theory

Internal Family Systems Theory (IFS) was articulated by the psychologist Richard Schwartz in the 1980’s, but has been refined over the decades into a system of psychotherapy that has recently become hugely popular. IFS’s most basic insight (drawn largely from Carl Jung and other theorists subsequent to him) is that the human psyche is composed of discrete parts (as the physical body is composed of organs), and that these parts have specific roles and relationships to each other. As the human body has systems of organs, so the psyche has parts that form a whole, hence the metaphor of the family. (For the popular introduction to IFS, written by Schwartz, see here.)

The internal world of a human is complex and multifaceted, but IFS does an elegant job in essentializing the structures and functions which get played out as parts (also known as “subpersonalities”). Amongst these parts, the main ones are called are the Protectors and the Exiles, with Protectors being divided into the Managers and Firefighters. Both of those parts are tasked with suppressing or controlling the Exiles, which are defined as those parts which were not acceptable to their environments (e.g., the “sad child”).

That’s pretty much the essence of IFS: disowned/unsafe parts summon Protector parts, who have various strategies to keep the whole system (of the person) safe by containing and excluding the Exile, preventing the Exile from either being harmed itself by its environments, or causing damage to the rest of the psyche by slipping its chains and being in conflict with the environment. (The Self is an important part of IFS, but we’ll discuss that directly in a future newsletter.) Each of these parts are best thought of as distinct units of our consciousness, i.e., they are not metaphors but actual discrete parts of our overall mind, with discrete ways of seeing the world (just like different aged humans), and particular roles.

For example: in a family with parents who do not allow emotions, labeling feelings as shameful because “weak,” the Exile becomes the child part whose emotions would draw attack (through shame). That person’s Manager keeps a general strategy of suppressing emotion, or converting them into intellectual ideas, to keep the child Exile from expressing feeling. When the Managerial strategy slips, their Firefighter might react by sending the person on an alcohol bender, or flooding them with shame to stop them from showing emotion.

Another example: in a family where there is a physically abusive parent, whom the young child itself could not protect from (because it’s too small), then a Protector comes online to Exile that internal child, perhaps numbing their body so they cannot feel the pain of the abuse. This person’s Manager might keep them always in their intellect, and then when the Exile threatens to break through into consciousness, might use a Firefighter to spin up into a workaholic mode.

This, then, is the essential framing of the psyche from IFS: balance (homeostasis) is maintained by the Managers, who keep those parts of the psyche that threaten to destabilize the overall balance of the person’s mind and life (Exiles) suppressed/controlled, and then when the Manager’s control slips, the psyche employs harsher Protectors—the Firefighters—to yank the person’s system back out of danger, regardless of the secondary costs.

Depression

So, then, what is depression from the IFS perspective? Depression as a phenomenon is not a subpersonality per se, but rather a complex coordination of “settings” in a human (sleep and appetite patterns, energy levels, degree of hopefulness, sense of time, self-esteem, sense of potential and possibility in the world [see here for more on the “settings”]) that creates a coherent state called “depression.” It is akin to a physical disorder, which is not a part/subpersonality, but rather a state of the body-mind composed of multiple factors in a particular pattern/setting. (Roughly speaking, these coherent patterns are what the term “mood” designates.)

Again, there are multiple ways to “lens” depression, each exposing different aspects of the phenomenon. For instance, seen through the biomedical model (what your MD is steeped in), one can see certain physiological and genetic patterns that are correlated with the symptoms of depression. Whereas through an attachment model (relating to how young children do or don’t attach to their mothers), the consequences of a failure of mothers to create a safe bond with their child are highlighted. Those and many more are useful, most particularly when coordinated and integrated with each other (which is unfortunately rare, but see here for more on this). What IFS offers, though, is a very useful highlighting of the mind as a system of parts that functions as a system, a “cybernetic” process, meaning a process by which a system ongoingly stabilizes itself in relation to its environment, such that it can keep living.

From this IFS lens, we can see depression not as a dumb mechanism, but as a tool used by Protector parts in the service of the survival of our whole self. Depression as a pattern may not itself be intelligent (any more than a thyroid disorder is “smart”), but the Protector that uses it is. And its intelligence is not deployed to persecute us (more specifically, the young Exiles), but rather its mission is exactly its designation, to protect. As painful as depression is, and as much as it can get out of control, and as harsh as the experience is, the guiding force behind depression is not there to destroy us. It is to keep the Exiles from feeling overwhelming pain or fragmentation, which would endanger our survival.

Depression (as I’ve often written about in this newsletter) is the phenomenon that arises in relation to “ungrieved futility” (see here), i.e., to losses which present us with the need to let go of (detach from) attachments which are no longer available (i.e., “futile”) but which we resist grieving. These are the losses of attachments (people, ideas, dreams) which substantially define our core sense of self, maintain the sense of who we are, and are resources for that maintenance (e.g., the mother who was our only source of positive regard). To let go of them strips a foundation out from under us without anything to replace it, and in that case grieving (the emotional process of letting go) becomes experienced as (or actually is) life threatening. We refuse to, or simply cannot, grieve—our adult self is too compromised, thus exposing the Exiles who can’t do the grieving—and yet the grief process does not then just shut off because to grieve losses is also required for our survival. In this “unstoppable force, immovable rock” situation, a Protector will come in to keep us from burning out, using depression to shut down our ability to engage grief…or much of anything else.

This usually feels like a great infliction, if not a persecution. But imagine a parent (a Protector) who is supervising their child playing on the lawn when the child’s ball suddenly gets kicked out into the street. The child (it is her favorite ball) goes running after it. The parent calls for her to stop, but the child is distracted, not understanding the danger, fixated on retrieving her ball. The safety of the child is paramount, so not being able to use the softer reminder of danger, the parent reaches out and yanks the child back by whatever they can get a handful of, regardless of whether it is painful or not. The child protests and cries, maybe calls their parent the worst ever, but the parent has actually done their job properly: first and foremost, make sure the child survives, and then the subtler stuff can come after.

So, in distilled form, here is the Protector behind depression (whether Manager or Firefighter), and what calls them into action:

1. We are faced with a loss that initiates the grieving (detachment) process (a mechanical, not volitional process) from the attachment/goal that is now futile, because to stay attached to what is lost is dangerous because it bleeds out limited energy with no return.
2. The loss is to a self-esteem supporting element of our life, such that our stability/balance is endangered by that very letting go (e.g., the dying company we built was our only source of self-esteem). Under this stress, vulnerable Exiles are exposed.
3. Our psyche resists the force of the grief process, resulting in a stalemate between two survival injunctions, the letting go of, and the hanging on to, that which is already lost.
4. Because this is an inherently unstable position, requiring enormous energy to maintain (imagine hanging on a cliff with your fingers), depression is deployed by the Protector in order to protect your whole system (by keeping the Exiles frozen) both from burning out from the effort (and dangerously collapsing), and from realizing the full force of the loss and self-esteem/ego disruption before you are ready for it.
5. That is: when we won’t or can’t grieve intentionally, then the Protector will come in subconsciously to protect us, to grab us by the hair and pull us back from the danger.

Implications of depression as a protection, and an anecdote

All of this description is to give meat to the bones of IFS’s lens on depression: although depression is a painful and aversive experience, it is being used as a tool to keep our whole self safe within the specific conditions and dangers of “ungrieved futility.” Although depression itself may be just a state of body-mind organization (essentially equivalent to any other state), its use is strategic and managed by a Protector figure. The pain this Protector inflicts is not cruel, not malevolent, and not stupid: it is there because the softer pain (grief) is not available to deal with a loss, and the Protector can’t not do its job of keeping you alive. The act of protecting is what the Protector is.

The implication of this, in terms of the healing and transformation process, is huge and pivotal. When we come to see that depression is a phenomenon being deployed by a Protector who, as harsh and brutal as it might feel, is actually acting in our system’s best interest, then our relationship to the depression and the Protector can change from hostility or submission, to allyship. Before that, we are maligning the condition and not recognizing the Protector (either as a Protector, or that they exist at all), which does not reassure it that you are paying attention to the dangers. When that’s the case, it will not give up its job because your adult self is not recognizing the dangers (or is simply not present), and therefore not trustworthy. Even if the Protector wants to give up its endless job, it can’t, as that would result in destruction.

However, when you cross the threshold into seeing what is actually happening, and what the depression is actually about, then the need for depression from the Protector’s viewpoint begins to ebb. Your adult self learns how to manage the grief process, protect the Exiles (rather than suppress them), get resources and supports to go through it, and to respect the role of the Protector such that it will start to hand over control. The rule is: If we (the adult self) do not do grieving consciously, the Protector will do it unconsciously.

So, to close, I’ll give an anecdote from my own progression through this very transition, from depression as oppressive enemy to depression/Protector as ally. In my mid 20’s, having suffered from depression throughout my childhood, I discovered psychotherapy and worked with a therapist briefly but intensely. This set me on a path through therapy and then meditation that greatly helped decrease the intensity and frequency of the depressions. I learned many techniques to control the experience, and got adept at especially the cognitive tricks and tools to support that control. But I did not get much wiser about where the depression was coming from, or that it was not there as a kind of purgatorial infliction.

Although my deftness and pride in self-control increased, the original wound was not addressed and eventually the held-at-bay grief (and its Exiles) broke through my clever controls (a Manager part) and flooded me. For whatever reason, I had the grace to not double down on resisting and controlling, but realized there was a whole layer of loss and grief that was unaddressed (held mostly in the body) which I needed to submit to. That was the huge pivot point in moving from “depression management” to “depression resolution.” I came to realize just what I have been writing about here, that IFS has been clear on for decades: depression is not stupid or pointless, but rather it is a Protector who has a positive intention to keep us safe until we realize the need for grief, and can manage it from our adult self. With that change, I came to actually study depression, finding the Protector behind it, learning how to ally with it to let it stand down (it was so tired), such that I have not experienced any real depression in 15 years. This is not because I got so good at controlling or medicating it, but because I surrendered to what it was, who was managing it, and was granted release through that respectful engagement.

This is my individual example of what seems to be the same path for everyone, apparently the only real path out of depression: first we magnify control, then we reach a crisis of that control where grief can’t be contained, and finally we (under duress) surrender that goal of control and then we learn how to grieve and how to take over the job of the Protector. When the persecutor becomes seen as the Protector, then we’re on the route out.